Who's On First?: Playoff Preview #1

Written by - Posted 2015-05-28 23:25 in Blog

We’ve got two weeks left of regular season play in the Gallaway Era and things COULD get interesting playoffs wise. Not that they will but they could. In order of predicted finish here we go -

The Field –

Barnburners – Win out and they’re the #1 seed. Due to some interesting schedule maneuvering by the Commish they only have two games left. It’s not impossible to see them being apathetic/hungover enough to fall to a motivated Wolfpack team Sunday morning but we’re not sure they really care if they do. Why would they in the grand scheme of things?

Wolfpack – Somehow have the inside track to a first round bye despite their entire season being out-homered by Bryce Harper in a decent week. Finally catch a break and return to their desired Green field (it matters people) for a showdown with the Barnburners. Even if they lose they’ll be favored in the rest of their games as Nitto admits to losing sleep over their lefty bats. Have to play those pesky Circle Jerks and their sweet quads again but our money says they’ll be a focused team the rest of the way and start to look like what we expected preseason.

Canvassers – The plus side of having the Gumballers in the division is they avoid them Round 1. An offensive juggernaut so far it’s likely they take back their division by sweeping the last two weeks and watching the
Gumballers lose one.

Moose Knuckles – Something hasn’t looked right all year for these perennial contenders but they should still see the postseason. They’ll need Andrew Flowers to stop getting so torched (his term, shocking it hasn’t caught yet) on Saturdays and revert back to this .480, RBI smashing self to make any noise though.

Gumballers – Huge win over the Canvassers could have them sneak into the #2 seed but they have two tough games remaining. Should go 3-1 and find a way to lose to the Moose Knuckles in the first round despite being the vastly better team. Maybe being a lower seed breaks the curse?

Janitors – Quietly winning most of their games while scaring nobody, unless you count the innocent children of Gravelly ducking Felix Fernandez’s chalk and bat tantrums. Gagnon owns them so it looks like they’re heading for a first round matchup with the Canvassers.

Jusssssssssst a bit outside –

DC Twits – We’ve covered them enough, they just needed to win one game against a playoff team and didn’t do it. Carry on.

Chicken and Wiffle – So they beat the Gumballers but losing to the One Hit Wonders aka the Who the F Are All Those People on the Bench-ers has them on the outside looking in. Too bad really, would have been really fun to have them trying to unseat the old guard and make the first playoff appearance in franchise history.

Dupont Circle Jerks – Everyone’s favorite protein gobblers have kept every game close but likely need another bat to really contend. Can still disrupt everything by beating the Wolfpack in their finale to sweep the season series and send Adriano into rehab.

Who's On First?: Week 5 Wrap-up

Written by - Posted 2015-05-21 11:51 in Blog

Little bit of action, little bit of controversy, let’s dive in –

  • Gumballers take down the Canvassers in extras in the game of the week. Pete Hackeman reportedly still at Gravelly arguing the officiating.
  • Moose Knuckles drop one to the Bald Beavers and were about to lose two but the Besley Bashers were busy at brunch and couldn’t be bothered to show up. Lucky for them their division is terrible.
  • Wolfpack continue to impress nobody with a pair of extremely uninspiring 1-0 wins over mediocre teams. The rest of the league are all embarrassed they currently sit in second but aren’t really making moves to do anything about it.
  • Garbage Plates back up their Twitter promise and win their first two games of the year. They scored 11 runs after scoring 7 total in their previous 8 games, apparently someone told them the team with the most runs at the end of game wins.
  • Barnburners continue to do Barnburner things, putting up 16 runs in two victories. We’d like to say they get their first real challenge Week 6 playing the Wolfpack but three consecutive 1-0 victories aren’t really putting a scare into anyone.

Enjoy the holiday everyone, we’ll see you at the Point in two weeks

Who's On First?: Week 4 Wrap-up

Written by - Posted 2015-05-11 11:09 in Blog

We’ve rounded the midway point so let’s check in with our preseason predictions -

The Promise – “Every day it just gets harder to live the dream you’re believing in…”

  • Preseason – Garbage Plates, Pitch Perfect, Backdoor Sliders, Besley Bashers, Master Batters, Dupont Circle Jerks
  • Current – Garbage Plates, Pitch Perfect, Backdoor Sliders, Besley Bashers, Master Batters, Bald Beavers, One Hit Wonders

Only the Dupont Circle Jerks have nudged their way out of the cellar, certainly due to dropping their skinny bat warm ups. The Master Batters have an argument based on record but they are getting soundly beat by everyone not in this group so we can’t move them out. Four teams in here have combined for two wins, nice.

Dancing in the Dark – “There’s something happening somewhere baby I just know that there is…”

  • Preseason – Bald Beavers, Chicken and Wiffle, One Hit Wonders
  • Current – Dupont Circle Jerks, Chicken and Wiffle

Tempting to put the DC Twits in here but they’ve played the meat of their schedule and we’re softies for teams that have won a World Series more recently than the Barnburners. We will eat some crow on the OHW and BB calls, who knew Sam Smith was going to ask 37 new guys over 37 who have never played to show up every week?

Glory Days – “Sitting back trying to recapture a little of the glory…”

  • Preseason – Canvassers, Gumballers, Janitors, Moose Knuckles
  • Current – DC Twits, Gumballers, Janitors, Moose Knuckles

Things are going pretty much as expected here with tight games when these folks play each other. The Canvassers have proven the most consistent offensive threat to bump them into the top tier and contending for the crucial first round bye. Lots of games among these teams remain but expect to see everyone except the Twits in the postseason.

Born to Run – “Highways jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive…”

  • Preseason – Wolfpack, DC Twits, Blandsford Barnburners
  • Current – Canvassers, Wolfpack, Blandsford Barnburners

At this point nobody could object to the Barnburners being moved into a class of their own as they have demolished almost everyone and clinched a playoff berth likely two weeks before anyone else. Wolfpack have yet to put together a complete game against anyone but the hapless Garbage Plates though they caught a break against a depleted Canvassers team for what could be a critical head to head victory. The bye will be important not only for one less round to avoid an upset but to avoid the Barnburners path to the final Sunday.

Who's On First?: Week 3 Wrap-up

Written by - Posted 2015-05-04 11:52 in Blog

Finally got some excitement in Week 3, here’s what went down -

  • Have to acknowledge the breaking of the home run record by Jack Shannon. At this point picking anyone but the Barnburners to take home the trophy is nothing more than a calculated bet to get better than even money
  • One team left unbeaten as Michael “Batting Practice” Burns came on in relief and made the Circle Jerks look like well, the Wolfpack as they sprayed hits all over the field to get the upset
  • Shorthanded Canvassers did everything they could to lose two but take the oh-so-satisfying “pitcher ejection forfeit while trailing to a winless team” victory to keep them atop their division
  • Besley Bashers and Garbage Plates had everything lined up to shake up the rankings with upsets but couldn’t seal their respective deals. Let’s see if moving forward they can’t throw a wrench in the otherwise predictable postseason lineup. They have to catch a break at some point right?
  • Seems like the DC Twits have played nothing but big games, if they can come out .500 next week don’t be surprised if they don’t lose the rest of the regular season
  • Moose Knuckles take two, showed everyone they mean business but with games against the Canvassers and Twits next week we’ll see if they can challenge for a bye
  • Gumballers fail to take care of regular season business; all of a sudden it’s easy to see them with five losses on the outside looking in of the postseason. Everyone still hopes to draw them Round 1, they’ll need Nitto and his massive sweaty t-shirts to put a postseason scare into anyone

Who's On First?: Week 2 Wrap-up

Written by - Posted 2015-04-27 10:34 in Blog

Lots of contenders battling in Week 2, let’s see how it shook out -

  • DC Twits suffered two forgivable losses but being perfect-o’d by Gannon is not something you want to see from a World Series contender
  • Moose Knuckles are back on the playoff map, scraping out an extra inning victory over the Besley Bashers and proving themselves no championship threat
  • No matter who you’re playing 16 hits in a game is impressive; with a Cy Young performance from Adriano and reigning MVP Nick West taking the league lead in doubles after only two games the Wolfpack howled they aren’t ready to go quietly into the night
  • Canvassers continuing to take care of business and proving their offense can take care of games without an ace. Garcia, Dreyfus and Howard proving they can battle with any team on any field and certainly have the look of a true contender. First real challenge for both squads as they take on the Wolfpack in Week 3’s game of the week
  • Gumballers take down the Janitors without Nitto, everyone still hoping to draw them Round 1
  • All those hoping that a new team would shake up the ranks and make a playoff push are left disappointed as the Bald Beavers, One Hit Wonders and Chicken & Wiffle all sit at 1-3. Seriously guys we’re all hungover but get your shit together, you’re better (we thought) than this

NWLA Roster Thoughts

Written by - Posted 2015-04-24 23:14 in Blog

About the Author: Jack Shannon is possibly the greatest wiffleball player in the history of the world. Just ask him.

In my opinion, the roster is in serious need of overhauling. It’s time to drop the dead weight.

Commissioner Gallaway is leaving at the end of the season anyway, so he should have no problems burning any bridges by telling the appropriate parties that they suck.


  1. Jack Shannon – what a player he is, right?
  2. Kevin Higman – good bat, good glove. His socks aren’t up to briefing book specs, though. Management may have concerns over insubordination
  3. Jim Shannon – his bat is BARLEY keeping him on this list
  4. Crawford – but he’s definitely on my “fuck-up-one-more-time-and-you’re-out” list


  1. Gagnon – can’t hit and gets ass blasted on the mound
  2. Flowers – is only brought for his bat, and can’t hit half his weight.
  3. Fantasia – aside from being an absolute mess who puked in a mall because his stomach couldn’t handle 35 busch lites, he threw 1 strike the entire weekend
  4. Howard – Never has so much practice yielded such shitty results

Potential Replacements:

  1. Nick West – Along w/ the Shannons, the best hitter the league has to offer. And he’s got the best “glove”. Also will provide diversity to the walk-up music. Wiry frame may be well suited for pitching? MAKE him try to pitch.
  2. Colin Gannon – can vouch for his velocity – can he control it? May be Fantasia #2, less the puke, so that’s a concern.
  3. Ty Fletcher – I get it. We don’t want the “all star” team to be “the barnburners” – he has capable speed and good control. Trust me. Will he give up Head Lackey position? TBD
  4. The Beefcake from Circle Jerks – intimidation matters. If we’re going to have bench players hit .020, they might as well look the part.

Who's On First?: Week 1 Wrap-up

Written by - Posted 2015-04-20 12:23 in Blog

Week 1 is in the books and while the wind was a significant factor, it was mostly business as usual at Gravelly. Top teams were able to grind out wins, illustrating again that the margin between contender and pretender is small but well defined. The biggest news was the lack of news as none of the new teams gave any of the old guard reason to worry.

  • The highlight of the day was definitely the Garbage Plates’ new mascot, Trashy. They have firmly secured the rare combination of best logo, best mascot and largest roster without posing any offensive threat whatsoever
  • Janitors played three innings and came out with a 2-0 record and +11 run differential, impressive in its own right. Looks like Besley has new unis, a new player and are still building for that 2021 World Series
  • Gumballers narrowly escaped two upset bids, keeping them on track for a high seed and first round playoff exit
  • Game of the week featured the Shannons kicking off their pursuit of the home run record at the expense of the Moose Knuckles, much to everyone’s delight. Gagnon last spotted fleeing the Point clutching the Commissioner’s trophy Shooter McGavin style

Looking ahead to Week 2 the Gumballers and Twits play both their games against strong playoff contenders. Expect to see the Moose Knuckles work their way into the all important top six but the real question is will anyone else step up? Still early but the playoff field looks very familiar, are anyone other than the Moose Knuckles a postseason threat?

Spring 2015 Season Preview

Written by - Posted 2015-04-16 11:33 in Blog

About the Author: Anonymous is a veteran PWL player with 8 seasons under his (or her) belt. A solid player, not what you’d call an all star, but smart enough not to use their name to write this.

As we barrel down on the final Opening Day of the Gallaway Era, much has been happening behind the scenes in preparation for life after the self-anointed “God of Wiffleball”. Details will be revealed throughout the season so stay tuned.

For now, we welcome you, with a little help from the Boss, with this Spring ’15 season preview and look forward to seeing you all at Gravelly on Sunday.

The Promise“Every day it just gets harder to live the dream you’re believing in…”

Garbage Plates – Their logo is probably the scariest part of their offense and while it’s a sweet logo, you don’t hear that about many playoff teams. Enthusiastic group of guys that show up ready to play every week but their franchise win percentage is .218 for a reason.

Pitch Perfect – Highlight of their season will be the release of the cinematic sequel in May. The PWL sequel has a favorable early schedule but any expectations should be minimal or you’ll be as disappointed as all of us when Anna Kendricks wasn’t really part of the Fappening.

Backdoor Sliders – Welcome to the league guys, enjoy playing the Janitors, Twits and Barnburners your first three games. Win one or two of those and you have our attention.

Besley Bashers – Signed another former high school baseball player in hopes of uncovering another ROTY in the Sam Cable mold. If Alex Cohn can remember how to hit and stop breaking appendages they’ve got two players who can make noise but it’s left to be seen if that will turn the corner for them.

Dupont Circle Jerks – Hopefully they’ve spent their season off realizing that warming with a skinny little bat with someone tossing underhand from 9 inches away while everyone in the league cracks up is hilarious, not effective. Preseason roster is without their franchise player Brett Shegogue and if that holds, expect more mediocrity. If it doesn’t, expect it anyway.

Master Batters – Thanks to some favorable matchup and wind conditions the league leader in HRs and RBIs came from this lovable veteran franchise. Despite that they went 4-10 with a -22 run differential so uh, the machine still appears to be missing a few parts. Four almost automatic losses in their division make the postseason an even longer shot but hey, they’ll rack up some stats when the opportunity presents itself and have fun doing it.

Dancing in the Dark“There’s something happening somewhere baby I just know that there is…”

Bald Beavers – Anytime your manager and best returning player accepts the nickname “Farva”, you might be in trouble. The Beavers have a way of being in every game but not winning any of the ones they aren’t supposed to. Count them for an upset or two but expect a .500 finish.

Chicken and Wiffle – Solid pitcher, decent hitters, don’t really beat anyone they aren’t supposed to. It’s a common theme in the PWL and tough doldrums to get out of. Maybe they can play the Bald Beavers for 8th place.

One Hit Wonders – Probably the best of the solid teams that don’t beat anyone they aren’t supposed to and the most likely to grab a wild card spot. Have four players returning that hit over .300 last year and two legit upper tier players in Sam Smith and Chris Fantasia but is their defense and base running enough to win those close games? They have a real chance to make a statement early, drawing the haggard defending champs Wolfpack and Canvassers Week 1. Don’t overlook them but don’t expect to see them in the final four either.

Glory Days“Sitting back trying to recapture a little of the glory…”

Canvassers – Coming off a heartbreaking World Series loss it’s tough to see this team return to the heights it has enjoyed the past three seasons. They’ve got savvy, talented veterans but lack the ace that has always put them over the edge. A wild card berth is in play but they will miss having that top of the rotation starter.

Gumballers – Wiffle at Gravelly can often hinge on a single broken play or gust of wind so there is a lot to be said for a team that always takes care of business in the regular season. However they remind us of the hometown Nationals where they seem to grab a high seed every year but nobody really expects them to win it all and they exit early. With rumors of lingering clubhouse riffs and difficulty fielding lineups week to week, best case is more of the same.

Moose Knuckles – Ahhhh they’re back. Damn. Make sure to pack your sunglasses or those shirts stolen from a nighttime construction site will do some retina damage. They’ve got a pitcher and a great hitter but do any of the better teams really feel like they couldn’t beat them in a series? With the right draw the World Series is in play but all those waiting to see if the Commissioner’s trophy is taller than Gagnon will have to wait.

Janitors – Despite being the most sought after free agent Kevin Higman returns (seriously what does Kirby have on him) to play alongside Alex Felix Charles Fernandez Humperdink Yankee Doodle Filides. Alex is a deceptively good pitcher and Higman can win games on his own so expect this team to be in the league’s upper echelon so long as those two are healthy.

Born to Run“Highways jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive…”

Wolfpack – Shattering the hearts of several close friends brought this franchise a World Series in the summer and proved there is a place at the top for the opposite field double. However reigning MVP Nick West irresponsibly knocked his wife up in time to deliver their first child the weekend before Opening Day and Michael Burns was last spotted in a walking boot. They still have an ace in Adriano, the league’s most underrated player in Will McNally and signed Chris Keeven of Wheelchair fame but won’t be full strength until midseason.

Blandsford Barnburners – Always a threat to put up ten runs but their egos have already cost them one World Series, wouldn’t surprise anyone to see that happen again. The Shannons will chase the home run record and batting title while never winning a POTW, Colin Gannon will have a clutch hit or two and Ty Fletcher might quietly have a 0.20 ERA. Anything less than a World Series would be a letdown for these guys but they don’t carry the same mystique they still think they do.

DC Twits – They’re in any game Crawford pitches and that can’t be overstated. When you openly admit the existence of “Twits Ball”, it means you lose more than you should and haven’t really changed anything there are issues to be addressed. That said when the bats are hot this team is as good as any as illustrated by their thorough top to bottom World Series beating of the Barnburners. Don’t be surprised if their two regular season clashes are a playoff preview.

The Fernandez Forecast: World Series Predictions (Sp14)

Written by - Posted 2014-06-21 11:59 in Blog

About the Author: Felix Fernandez is the guy most of the league hates for no reason, and some of the league hates for very good reasons. He’s aggressive in the game, eats, sleeps and breathes wiffleball, and left the winning run in two postseason series stranded on third base.

The DC Twits will play the Barnburners this Sunday for the 2014 spring World Series championship. The Twits had defeated the Barnburners during the regular season two years ago, however that was with a stiff wind blowing in and the Barnburners trying to jack homeruns.

The wind appears to slightly favor the Barnbuners this time around. The Twits have enough offense to be able to score at least a couple of runs with several strong hitters in the lineup and with power. Their ace, Stephen Crawford has greatly improved from the time he stepped into the league approximately 3 years ago, with this year possibly being his best season yet from the mound. Daniel Lockbaum will be the key, if he can hit with consistent power and if the guys in front of him, get on base, they have a chance. Crawford most likely won’t shut them down completely, his job will be to keep them in the game by keeping the Barnburners offense to
two runs or less.

After Cy Young award winner Jake Tomko left, the Barnburners had at least one person they could rely on to shut down the opponent, first it was Colin Gannon and then it was Jack Shannon. This year, it was Ty Fletcher, except he is out of the series with an injury. Allowing 4 runs to the Suns Out Guns Out team, with no Will McNally is a bit of a concern for the Barnburner pitching staff. They need to find someone that is willing to step it up.

However, with all of the factors taken into consideration, there is only one thing that matters. The Barnburners are the team that gets the job done when it matters the most. The Twits do have the talent to pull off the upset, but I have to go with history and common sense. Barnburners will end up winning the series 2 games to 0 over the DC Twits.

Keys for the Twits:

  • Crawford shutting down the Barnburners in the first inning.
  • Crawford holding the Barnburers to two runs or less
  • Daniel Lockbaum coming up big.

Keys for the Barnburners:

  • Playing “small ball” when they need to.
  • Smart aggressive baserunning.
  • Not being overly aggressive at the plate against Crawford.

The Filides Forecast: World Series Predictions (Su13)

Written by - Posted 2013-10-05 23:45 in Blog

About the Author: Alex Filides is the guy most of the league hates for no reason, and some of the league hates for very good reasons. He’s aggressive in the game, eats, sleeps and breathes wiffleball, and left the winning run in two postseason series stranded on third base.

Canvassers 2 Gumballers 0

Canvassers vs. Gumballers

The Canvassers ended up winning the season series, two games to one during the regular season and they also played a tie breaker game, at the end of the regular season, in which, the Canvassers prevailed.

Cy Young candidate Anthony Morin leads the charge for the Canvassers versus another Cy Young candidate, Jeffrey Nitto for the Gumballers. After several seasons in the league, Morin has finally had a break through season, while teams have started to figure out Nitto.

The Gumballers are good at putting the ball in play, but aren’t a big homerun threat. They will need a bit more than stringing a few hits together, which is nearly impossible against a good pitcher. Don McClintock for the Gumballers is a true leadoff hitter with a high on base percentage and can easily leg out a double with his speed. Michael Cohen and Stacy Critchfield basically put
the ball in play and use their speed to get on base. There are really no bad hitters in the Gumballers lineup, but there aren’t any great hitters in their lineup either.

The Canvassers are a bit more dangerous at the plate, in terms of scoring runs. Garcia is a homerun threat, with plenty of speed. Morin has shown he can hit, he’s been the leader for this season and they will need his leadership tomorrow. Rookie of the Year candidtate, Spencer Howard is a welcomed edition to the Canvassers and a key componenent to their success this season. Pete Hackeman can
hit the occasional homerun.

The Canvassers will sweep the series, break the curse of Zigmund and should silence the Barnburners crowd for at least half a season, or at least they meet again in the spring. Nitto is a great pitcher, but will eventually they’ll figure him out. The Gumballers aren’t likely to figure Morin out anytime soon. Best chance for the Gumballers to win this sereies is for the ole fashioned pitcher ejection, although Garcia is decent, he’s not quite at the level of Nitto. HOwever, maybe the knee buckling curve could work it’s magic, if something happens.

At the beginning of the season and never in a million years did I think the Canvassers would be here, but you heard it here first. The Canvasssers will sweep the series 2 games to 0.