About the Author: Anonymous is a veteran PWL player with 8 seasons under his (or her) belt. A solid player, not what you’d call an all star, but smart enough not to use their name to write this.
As we barrel down on the final Opening Day of the Gallaway Era, much has been happening behind the scenes in preparation for life after the self-anointed “God of Wiffleball”. Details will be revealed throughout the season so stay tuned.
For now, we welcome you, with a little help from the Boss, with this Spring ’15 season preview and look forward to seeing you all at Gravelly on Sunday.
The Promise – “Every day it just gets harder to live the dream you’re believing in…”
Garbage Plates – Their logo is probably the scariest part of their offense and while it’s a sweet logo, you don’t hear that about many playoff teams. Enthusiastic group of guys that show up ready to play every week but their franchise win percentage is .218 for a reason.
Pitch Perfect – Highlight of their season will be the release of the cinematic sequel in May. The PWL sequel has a favorable early schedule but any expectations should be minimal or you’ll be as disappointed as all of us when Anna Kendricks wasn’t really part of the Fappening.
Backdoor Sliders – Welcome to the league guys, enjoy playing the Janitors, Twits and Barnburners your first three games. Win one or two of those and you have our attention.
Besley Bashers – Signed another former high school baseball player in hopes of uncovering another ROTY in the Sam Cable mold. If Alex Cohn can remember how to hit and stop breaking appendages they’ve got two players who can make noise but it’s left to be seen if that will turn the corner for them.
Dupont Circle Jerks – Hopefully they’ve spent their season off realizing that warming with a skinny little bat with someone tossing underhand from 9 inches away while everyone in the league cracks up is hilarious, not effective. Preseason roster is without their franchise player Brett Shegogue and if that holds, expect more mediocrity. If it doesn’t, expect it anyway.
Master Batters – Thanks to some favorable matchup and wind conditions the league leader in HRs and RBIs came from this lovable veteran franchise. Despite that they went 4-10 with a -22 run differential so uh, the machine still appears to be missing a few parts. Four almost automatic losses in their division make the postseason an even longer shot but hey, they’ll rack up some stats when the opportunity presents itself and have fun doing it.
Dancing in the Dark – “There’s something happening somewhere baby I just know that there is…”
Bald Beavers – Anytime your manager and best returning player accepts the nickname “Farva”, you might be in trouble. The Beavers have a way of being in every game but not winning any of the ones they aren’t supposed to. Count them for an upset or two but expect a .500 finish.
Chicken and Wiffle – Solid pitcher, decent hitters, don’t really beat anyone they aren’t supposed to. It’s a common theme in the PWL and tough doldrums to get out of. Maybe they can play the Bald Beavers for 8th place.
One Hit Wonders – Probably the best of the solid teams that don’t beat anyone they aren’t supposed to and the most likely to grab a wild card spot. Have four players returning that hit over .300 last year and two legit upper tier players in Sam Smith and Chris Fantasia but is their defense and base running enough to win those close games? They have a real chance to make a statement early, drawing the haggard defending champs Wolfpack and Canvassers Week 1. Don’t overlook them but don’t expect to see them in the final four either.
Glory Days – “Sitting back trying to recapture a little of the glory…”
Canvassers – Coming off a heartbreaking World Series loss it’s tough to see this team return to the heights it has enjoyed the past three seasons. They’ve got savvy, talented veterans but lack the ace that has always put them over the edge. A wild card berth is in play but they will miss having that top of the rotation starter.
Gumballers – Wiffle at Gravelly can often hinge on a single broken play or gust of wind so there is a lot to be said for a team that always takes care of business in the regular season. However they remind us of the hometown Nationals where they seem to grab a high seed every year but nobody really expects them to win it all and they exit early. With rumors of lingering clubhouse riffs and difficulty fielding lineups week to week, best case is more of the same.
Moose Knuckles – Ahhhh they’re back. Damn. Make sure to pack your sunglasses or those shirts stolen from a nighttime construction site will do some retina damage. They’ve got a pitcher and a great hitter but do any of the better teams really feel like they couldn’t beat them in a series? With the right draw the World Series is in play but all those waiting to see if the Commissioner’s trophy is taller than Gagnon will have to wait.
Janitors – Despite being the most sought after free agent Kevin Higman returns (seriously what does Kirby have on him) to play alongside Alex Felix Charles Fernandez Humperdink Yankee Doodle Filides. Alex is a deceptively good pitcher and Higman can win games on his own so expect this team to be in the league’s upper echelon so long as those two are healthy.
Born to Run – “Highways jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive…”
Wolfpack – Shattering the hearts of several close friends brought this franchise a World Series in the summer and proved there is a place at the top for the opposite field double. However reigning MVP Nick West irresponsibly knocked his wife up in time to deliver their first child the weekend before Opening Day and Michael Burns was last spotted in a walking boot. They still have an ace in Adriano, the league’s most underrated player in Will McNally and signed Chris Keeven of Wheelchair fame but won’t be full strength until midseason.
Blandsford Barnburners – Always a threat to put up ten runs but their egos have already cost them one World Series, wouldn’t surprise anyone to see that happen again. The Shannons will chase the home run record and batting title while never winning a POTW, Colin Gannon will have a clutch hit or two and Ty Fletcher might quietly have a 0.20 ERA. Anything less than a World Series would be a letdown for these guys but they don’t carry the same mystique they still think they do.
DC Twits – They’re in any game Crawford pitches and that can’t be overstated. When you openly admit the existence of “Twits Ball”, it means you lose more than you should and haven’t really changed anything there are issues to be addressed. That said when the bats are hot this team is as good as any as illustrated by their thorough top to bottom World Series beating of the Barnburners. Don’t be surprised if their two regular season clashes are a playoff preview.