Six Innings

6 Innings with Aaron Christoff

Written by - Posted 2014-05-01 23:48 in Six Innings

In the massive and amazing database which houses the statistics of the PWL, (you know, the real reason you come to play), there is a table that has a record for each player. Each player in that table is assigned a unique identification number based on the order that their record was added to the table. Aaron Christoff’s unique ID number is 1. While he certainly wasn’t the first player in the league, he was the first alphabetically by first name when we moved to the centralized database. Which still means he’s been around a while. It’s really too bad you’ve never heard of him before today right?

Aaron Christoff
[ player profile page ]

Nickname: Stoff.
Age: 33
Hometown: St. Louis, MO
Resides: Old Town
Employer: Self
Bats: with vigor
Throws: darts
How did you find the PWL: Player Keeven located it online. Manager Keeven then sold a few of us on the idea. It was an easy sell.

Seasons: 9
Career Batting Avg: .302
Awards: Nominations for POTW, MVP and Gold Glove, but no wins.

TWIF: What is your favorite baseball team and who is your favorite baseball player of all time?
AC: St. Louis Cardinals. Scott Rolen circa ’03-’04.

TWIF: What is your favorite thing about wiffleball?
AC: That playing it now allows me to tell people I continue to participate in organized sports. At least as long as I can avoid the follow up question about what sport it is.

TWIF: Why did you make Joe leave and when can he come back?
AC: We figured he either had to leave or another manager’s meeting would be spent changing league rules to make him more hittable. That and it really wasn’t so much that I made him leave. When weighing his options of moving to paradise and leaving the rat-race of DC behind, against Sundays at Gravelly, even the allure of enjoying my company on a regular basis lost out. I’d say I can’t blame him but people say that spending time with me is like living in paradise. He’ll come back when the latrines at Gravelly are replaced with a beach and palm trees. Or never.

TWIF: Have you ever used a wiffleball bat for other than its intended purpose?
AC: It was my preferred launcher when dominating bottle rocket wars in the neighborhood for most of my adolescence.

TWIF: If you could drown one player in the Potomac river, who would it be and why?
AC: Pat Hook. I know he’s a former player and teammate, but he’s still my answer. I can’t imagine liking a guy less, for many reasons. That he’s managed to keep his balance all these years with a head that size really irks me. I’m a fan of physics and that he defies it by continuing to walk with that orange-on-a-toothpick over his shoulders bothers me. I also really hate his personality and the way he talks. His face sucks too. And the fact that my wife regularly mentions how great he is and how much she likes him might also have something to do with my disdain for him.

TWIF: Somehow, quietly, and without much fanfare over nine seasons you’ve become one of the main stays of the PWL. You have three World Series rings, but you’ve been overshadowed by your teammates. Like the 5th Beatle, or that one character actor in movies we all recognize but nobody knows their name. Last season might have been your worst ever. So far this season, you’re starting strong and your numbers seem better than your career averages. What keeps you coming back, and are you the man to fill the hole Joe Thaman left in Wheelchair?
AC: Most of the success I’ve experienced in life results from establishing low expectations. So every once in awhile I throw in a bad year just to reset the bar. Last season in wiffle ball is an example. So was all of 2002. I come back because I dig this league. Met some good people and I’ve never regretted a day spent at the yard. Plus the twenty or so Sundays I spend at Gravelly each year represent about 95% of my exercise regimen. Joe can’t be replaced, on the field or in the clubhouse. But the Wheelchair will roll on.

comments powered by Disqus