Southern

Season: W-L (.PCT) 8 - 6 (.571)

Franchise: W-L (.PCT) 58 - 68 (.460)

Postseason Appearances

Postseason W-L (.PCT) 3 - 2 (.600)

Division Championship Series (2): SU15,SP16

World Series (1): SP16

World Championships

World Series (1): SP16

After taking off last summer to lick the wounds sustained along the way to a 2-12 finish, the Jerks are back for a milestone sixth season, the first in the team's history. Team founder and PWL mega-superstar, John Hamlett, pioneered the rebuilding of the franchise. On his efforts to turn the page on the sorriest chapter in the Jerks' history, Hamlett opined "the first thing we had to do was make a change at the helm. I place all the blame for last year's failures squarely on the shoulders of Brett Shegogue." Resentful of Hamlett's coup, Brett decided to enter early retirement. While he declined to comment for this feature, Shegogue is rumored to have much more time available for watching Netflix, staying on top of his wife's chore list, and experimenting with various facial hair patterns (with little success).

Hamlett's priorities for upgrading the roster centered around finding replacement-player caliber guys who could help the franchise back to its .500 pinnacle (7-7 in Spring 2013), without challenging his status as ace of the pitching staff or upsetting his bid for "largest quads on the team" for the sixth straight season. John also expressed a desire that the team have more pronounceable names across the board, another reason why the Jerks are really better off without Shegogue (pronounced "shih-GO-guh"). In addition to the departure of Brett, the Jerks are also without veterans Andrew Hill, Max Frazier, and Tom Kelley (league leader in groundouts during Spring 2013). The trio is currently looking for a fourth to complete their barbershop quartet.

Manager John Hamlett's first move of the offseason was to bring himself back at the salary cap max, a move that wiffleball commentators ambiguously call "a no-brainer." Also back for a sixth season is PWL veteran Tom Schwarting. When asked whether he carries a chip on his shoulder based on his inability to back up his production at the plate during his rookie season, Tom looked confusedly at his shoulder. Scott Donelson, once a subordinate lifeguard reporting to head-lifeguard-turned-manager, John Hamlett, was brought aboard because of his fierce ability to grow a neck beard. In his spare time, Scott writes poetry, rides horses, and invites his Facebook friends to play "Farmland." Jon Blasko, referred to the team by Donelson, is a former high school pitcher who promises to contend for the Cy Young. Blasko's favorite Twilight movie was the third one and his favorite number is "a tie between all of the prime numbers." Rookie Tim Holt plans to continue working on his mullet and will start wearing his hat forward once it's complete. Tim opened up to the media, "my life hasn't had much direction ever since Derek Jeter retired. I'm really hoping this league will give me a new sense of purpose." Tim promises to threaten the Mendoza-line at the plate all season long. Andres Cruz is looking to find another activity to occupy his time, besides something known around the world as "soccer," a game dubbed "the silliest pastime known to man" by sports insiders.

The new-look Jerks are back for more and the Vegas oddsmakers have them as the early favorite for the World Series. How will the team handle the pressure of the fame and the weight of the expectations? "We'll shoot for somewhere in between Johnny Manziel and Justin Bieber," Hamlett proclaimed. "Just buffer, more studly versions," he added smugly, while curling 70's.

Players

• 

  John Hamlett

  Manager

• 

  Andres Cruz (R)

• 

  Jonathan Blasko (R)

• 

  Scott Donelson (R)

• 

  Thomas Schwarting

• 

  Timothy Holt (R)

• 

  Stephen Cox

  Guest

• 

  Steve Wurster (R)

  Guest